Aug 14, 2016

liking vs loving?

this came out of a ten-minute whatsapp conversation with a friend, so i'm just putting it out here

Jacey Chin (Today 10:32PM):
Karen
Wads ur definition of liking n loving someone
Karen (Today 10:34PM):
Context? What do you mean?
Love is a very big word
Jacey Chin (Today 10:35PM):
Like hw do u know if u like a guy 
Or if u love a guy
Karen (Today 10:35PM):
Firstly, love is selfless even though you have your own self-love
Liking someone is selfish. You want him for yourself
You want to make out with him
Loving someone is...
Wholesome, pure
Liking someone might involve obsessing over someone
And turning reality into a warped fantasy
Because that's not really him
It's what you want him to be
Love can come only through knowing someone really well
In my opinion, love can only sprout from a good strong friendship
You can't love someone you don't know (although you can love the idea of someone)
Love is patient and kind
It doesn't seek its own way
It doesn't look for faults
Jacey Chin (Today 10:37PM): 
That's my most fave words from the bible
Love is patient, love is kind
Karen (Today 10:37PM):
Liking someone comes with a lot of judging. How good does he look? Does he look this good all the time? Is it his voice? His eyes?
Liking has reasons
Love doesn't

Jacey Chin (Today 10:37PM): 
And more... which i can't rmb

Karen (Today 10:38PM):
When you ask yourself why you like someone
If there are reasons
If it starts with reasons*
It's probably not love
If you just... love who he is as a person... love him... want to journey in life with him... maybe it's more than liking
I love you as a friend although I have no reason to - we're so different and we fight
There are friends I don't care that much for even though we're a lot more similar - but of course, love is also a decision
I can decide to love someone even when it's tough
To forgive, to bless when they hurt you, to desire their well-being above all even if at a cost

Jacey Chin (Today 10:40PM):
Agree

Karen (Today 10:41PM)
Yeah. In conclusion, liking is easy, love sticks through
Oh I have this BEAUTIFUL THING
let me find it

captain corelli's mandolin
"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love', which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."



* about the reasons thing - i actually don't know. i mean i'm thinking more of like 'his eyes' / 'he's cute and we click really well' / 'the way he looks at me' sort.. and even 'because he makes me a better me' / 'because i see myself in him' - because that's still sorta self-centered, and this / your perception of this could possibly change over time, too? but what about 'because when i look at him i see Christ' / 'because i know i can count on him to...something something..'... 'because we fit each other like perfect complementary parts and we are each other's better halves...' idk i'm having a hard time coming up with test examples. but i think this has to come with a lot deeper exploration and it really goes even right down to what you consider the purpose of marriage / whether God has a part to play in this. but i mean, this conversation wasn't so much in the context of a godly relationship - that's a whole different ball game, and also considers love much more in the sense of a duty than an emotion / a state of heart??... aiya it's hard, the word 'love' is so huge. anyway, if you have thoughts about this, lmk 

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